Separation anxiety is a stage of development in which children become anxious, nervous, or scared upon separation from a parent. Separation Anxiety with kids can begin as early as 8 months and can occur into early school years. It is most common in children around the age of 2 as they more firmly develop a sense of self.

It can be expressed in as simple a behavior as crying when a parent leaves and can be as severe as a child becoming physically sick. Sometimes it last for as short as a few minutes and then transition into participatory behaviors or it can last for hours  or as long as the parent is away.  On the other side of the coin, some children instead become withdrawn or avoidant and then are angry with or distant from their parents after they return, as if to punish them for leaving them.

There are many factors that contribute to separation anxiety. Children may be concerned about the unknown and may not understand the concept of time the way adults do. A parent’s anxiety may also exacerbate separation anxiety by their reactions to leaving the child. Children easily pick up on their parent’s anxiety. Parents should remain positive and cheerful about the experience.

Some common factors that also contribute to separation anxiety changes in the caregiver’s routine, changes in the home routine, changes in family life such as divorce, birth of a sibling, death, or illness, as well as  tiredness or major or minor illness.

There are many things parents can do to help manage separation anxiety. Use babysitters from time to time beginning at the age of six months. This helps children get used to handling short periods of time away from the parent and allows them to build trust with other adults. By twelve months, begin to arrange play dates or use play groups to initiate contact with peers. Establish a short goodbye ritual such as a hug and kiss, a secret handshake, or a silly exchange of words. Most importantly, do not give in and remain cheerful.

There are a variety of strategies that allow childcare providers to help children cope with separation anxiety.

Suggest that parents bring their kids to visit a few times before the first day of care. Take them on a tour and set them up with a buddy. While they are visiting, attempt to engage them in an activity.

• Do not give excessive attention to the distress. Continue to affirm that the parent is coming back and be enthusiastic about the plans you have for the day.
• Follow a daily routine and schedule. Teachers may want to post a schedule in pictures and words so that kids know what is coming next. In addition, teachers can create small daily schedule books for especially anxious children that they can carry with them. This allows them to look at the activities they have accomplished and how many activities are left before they go home.
• Allow the child to bring in a “lovie” item to school which represents the parents.

Anxious children and parents must be treated with care and respect.  Good communication is the key. Foster an open and honest relationship with both the parent and child to create a sense of trust and reduce anxiety.  In time, you can kiss those long, tearful goodbyes goodbye!

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