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Sex Education and the Preschooler

Barton D. Schmitt, M.D.
Contemporary Pediatrics

Peer Review Status: Externally Peer Reviewed by Contemporary Pediatrics
Creation Date: April 1992
Last Revision Date: April 1992


THE PROBLEM

By 4 years of age, most children have developed a healthy curiosity about sex and other people’s bodies. They ask a variety of questions, such as “How come I don’t have a penis?” and they need honest, brief answers (“Because you have a vagina instead”). If your child doesn’t ask sexual questions by 5 years of age, it is your responsibility to bring up the subject. The easiest way to do this is by asking questions like, “Where do you think babies come from?” Then you can confirm or modify the child’s answer. If you don’t help your child with sex education, he may acquire a lot of misinformation from his schoolmates. If you are among the many parents who are uncomfortable talking to their children about sex, read on.

THE SOLUTION

Teach your child the differences in anatomy between the sexes. You can do this when the child is bathing with siblings or swimming with friends of the opposite sex. Changing diapers or clothing presents another opportunity. Be sure to include the genitals when you teach your child the names of body parts. Use proper names (vagina and penis), not nicknames or baby talk. If you postpone teaching proper names, your child will become embarrassed to use them as he grows older.

Teach about pregnancy and where babies come from. If you are pregnant, be sure to keep your child informed about the baby’s development. Otherwise, you can ask a pregnant friend to let your child feel her baby moving about. Explain the birth process in simple terms. Tell your child that the baby comes out through a special passage called the vagina, for example. Help her understand the process by seeing the birth of puppies, kittens, or hamsters. Children’s books about birth may help, and so may television programs or videotapes.

Explain sexual intercourse. Many parents who discuss everything else about pregnancy and birth keep postponing the topic of sexual intercourse. Some children who want to ask about intercourse are afraid to because of parental discomfort. You can get past this hurdle by reading your child a picture book on sex education, such as Where Do Babies Come From ? (See Suggested Reading below). These books present intercourse as part of a larger story. If this subject hasn’t come up by 5 or 6 years of age, visit your library or local bookstore. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that you will be the one who explains this wonderful, natural behavior to your child.

Take advantage of teaching opportunities in normal childhood sexual play. A common part of normal sexual development between 4 and 5 years of age is for children to get undressed together and look at each other’s genitals. When they say they are playing “doctor,” “house,” or “tent,” they are usually playing undressing games. This is their attempt to learn more about sexual differences. If you come upon your child and his friends playing undressing games, don’t act horrified. There’s no reason why you can’t turn this discovery into a positive learning experience.

Talk briefly with the children about how boys’ and girls’ bodies differ. That will take away some of the mystique that can cause the time spent on normal sex play to become excessive. After your child’s friends have gone home, read him a book about sex education if you have one. If the other parents approve, reading sex education books to the group will be even more helpful.

Tell your child that genitals are private. That’s why we wear clothes. Clarify some basic rules: It’s OK to see other people’s genitals, but not to touch them. Also, it’s not acceptable to deliberately show someone else your genitals or ask to see theirs.

In the future, supervise your child’s play a little more closely. If he and his friends occasionally expose their bodies to each other, just ignore it. Up to a point, sexual play in preschoolers is beneficial. If the behavior seems to be becoming more frequent, however, discourage it. Tell the children that it’s not polite and has to stop. Suggest a different game. If that doesn’t get your message across, give them a five-minute time-out in separate rooms, or send them home for the day. It’s up to the parents to put the brakes on undressing games. If you don’t, they usually escalate into touching or poking. But keep your response low-key. Don’t act shocked or angry, and don’t give any major punishment.

Show your child how to be affectionate. Teach your child that socially acceptable physical affection with relatives and friends can be enjoyable and wholesome. Set a good example of a loving female-male relationship. Exchange warm hugs and kisses with your spouse when your children are around, not just in the bedroom. Give your child ample cuddling each day. Demonstrating a healthy attitude toward physical affection and appropriate ways of touching can help counteract the overreaction that some children have to sexual abuse prevention programs that emphasize “don’t touch” or “bad touch.”

Set limits on your child’s exposure to nudity with the opposite-sex parent. Feelings about nudity vary from family to family. Exposure to nudity with siblings or the parent of the same sex is fine and continues indefinitely (in locker rooms, for example). Nudity with the parent of the opposite sex, however, probably should be phased out between 4 and 5 years of age. Nudity with opposite-sex siblings also should be phased out, certainly by the onset of puberty or earlier if the children so chooses. Some reasons for covering up include:

  • Children may be more comfortable learning genital anatomy from siblings and age-mates than from seeing their parents nude.
  • Your child will soon be entering school, and nudity is clearly not accepted there.
  • Most families in our society practice modesty, so a child who is interested in other people’s bodies or is too casual about his own nudity can get into trouble (such as the boy who pulls down his pants on the school playground, or touches a girl’s breast).

Teach your child respect for privacy. Begin to teach respect for privacy between 4 and 5 years of age. Stop showering or bathing with your children, especially children of the opposite sex. Close the bathroom door when you use the toilet. Close the bedroom door when you get dressed, and suggest that your children do the same. Attitudes about this, however, do vary from family to family.

Show your child that you are comfortable with sexual questions. Be an open, responsive parent. Use books like those listed below to open up discussion or help you with subjects you find difficult to explain. Convey to your children that sex is an important part of love and life. If your child learns it’s OK to talk about sex, she will feel free to ask more questions as she grows older.

Call our office during regular hours if:

  • Your child won’t stop touching other children’s genitals.
  • Your child tries to undress other children.
  • Your child to tries to engage younger children in sex play.
  • Your child repeatedly shows his genitals to others after being told not to.
  • Your child persists in masturbating in public even after you’ve told him not to.
  • You feel your child has an excessive interest in sex or nudity.
  • You have other questions or concerns.

SUGGESTED READING

Picture books for children

  1. Gordon S, Gordon J: Did the Sun Shine Before You Were Born? A Sex Education Primer. Dana Point, Calif, Edu-Press, 1988.
  2. Gordon S: Girls Are Girls and Boys Are Boys: So What’s the Difference?. Buffalo, NY, Prometheus Books, 1991.
  3. Nilsson L: How Was I Born? Reproduction and Birth for Children. New York, Delacorte Press, 1975.
  4. Sheffield M, Bewley S: Where Do Babes Come From?. New York, Alfred A. Knopf, 1978.

Books for parents

  1. Calderone MS, Ramey JW: Talking With Your Child About Sex: Questions and Answers for Children from Birth to Puberty. New York, Ballantine, 1983.
  2. Leight L: Raising Sexually Healthy Children. New York, Avon, 1990.
  3. Weisman BA, Weisman MH: What We Told Our Kids About Sex. San Diego, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1987.

Dr. Schmitt is director of general consultative services, The Children’s Hospital of Denver, and professor of pediatrics, University of Colorado School of Medicine. He is a member of the editorial board of Contemporary Pediatrics.

Adapted from Schmitt BD: Your Child’s Health, ed 2. New York, Bantam Books, Inc., 1991.

This parent aid on sex education for preschoolers may be photocopied and distributed to parents without permission of the publisher.

Contemporary Pediatrics, April 1992, 125-127.

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CHILD-DIRECTED PLAY


CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL, Seattle, WA

Children’s Resource Center

ONE TECHNIQUE FOR IMPROVING A CHILD’S BEHAVIOR AND SELF-ESTEEM

Definition: Child Directed Play (CDP) is one-to-one play interaction between a parent and (one) child in which the child is helped to direct and lead the play in any way the child wishes, unless there is harmful or destructive activity.

Recommended Age of Child: Primarily for children ages 2-5, although variations of the procedures described below can be used with children from ages 6-10.

Objectives of CDP (in order of importance)

  • To enhance child’s sense of self-direction and self-confidence.
  • To increase opportunities for the child’s access to focused parental attention without having to rely on negative or provocative behavior to do so.
  • To strengthen and enhance the parent-child relationship.
  • To help the parent practice specific child rearing skills such as imitation, praising, giving and withholding attention for selected child behaviors.

Procedures

Dos:

  1. Follow the child:
    • Locate your self physically close to child and, within reason, move where the child moves.
    • Watch the child’s play activity closely.

2. Describe play actions:

    • Provide verbal descriptions of some of the child’s specific play activities with toy materials (e.g. “There goes the car over the bridge,” “You put the blue block on top!”). You don’t have to describe everything; occasional descriptions are best!

3. Imitate (or copy) some of the things that your child does:

    • With toy materials (e.g. repeating something your child has done with blocks).
    • Verbally repeating, with some elaboration, what your child has just said (e.g. if your child says, “There’s the bus,” you could say, “Yes, there goes the long, yellow bus up the hill.” This is a good way to increase a young child’s vocabulary without directly teaching).

4. Praise appropriate behavior occasionally:

    • Praise behavior specifically (“You’re really being careful with those blocks” rather than just saying “Good job”).
    • You can praise what your child does (“You’re a good tower builder”) and how they do it (“You’re stacking those blocks so carefully and quietly”).
    • Don’t praise too much, just occasionally. Excessive parental praising during CDP can take away from the child’s direction of the activity.

DON’TS:

  1. No commands regarding behavior or toys (e.g. “Let’s play with the house,” “Don’t get out the blocks yet).
  2. Do not change direction of the play. Your child should decide the direction of the play. Refrain from giving the child your play ideas.
  3. No teaching:
    • CDP should not be a time to quiz your child about her/his knowledge.
    • Allow your child to play with toys in any manner that is not harmful. Remember, there is no one “right way” to play with a toy.

4. No or few questions:

    • Questions are a subtle way of taking control or teaching (“Don’t you want to build a tower?” “Is that a tower?” “What color is that block?”).
    • Asking a lot of questions can set up a power struggle (e.g. your child may deliberately not answer).

Handling Misbehavior During CDP:

  1. In the event of destructive, physically aggressive, harmful behavior (hitting, running away, breaking valuable items), stop CDP, briefly explain why, and walk away or handle as you normally would.
  2. In the event of “annoying” behavior (arguing, whining, complaining, bossiness, rudeness, crying, “wound-up” behavior):
    • Stop interacting with child; turn away if behavior continues.
    • Begin interacting only when behavior stops.
    • Praise the opposite of the annoying behavior when it eventually occurs (e.g. if child was playing roughly, praise careful play when it is observed).
    • If “waiting out or ignoring” the child’s annoying behavior for two or three minutes doesn’t work, then stop CDP as in step 1.

Implementing Child’s Game at Home

Time:

  1. Ten-15 minutes. You may want to set a definite ending time that the child is told about. Give child a warning when only a minute or two of CDP is left (“We can play for two more minutes, and then I have to stop.”).
  2. Do CDP about three to seven times per week, about the same time each day (if possible).
  3. Establish a time that doesn’t compete with child’s favorite activity, playing with friends or favorite television show.
  4. Set up a time which can be undisturbed (when other children are asleep, other parent can prevent interruptions).

Types of Toys:

  1. Toys that the child already knows how to use (does not need to be taught).
  2. Blocks, cars and trucks, dolls, Fisher-Price toys, kitchen toys, puzzles, and coloring activities all tend to work well.
  3. No competitive games (can get into winning and losing, follow rules, power struggles).
  4. No books if the child is not yet able to read (parental reading doesn’t let child take the lead).

Setting:

  1. Pick an undisturbed quiet area (no television, other children, people, pets).

How to present CDP to your child:

  1. Explain that it is your child’s “special” time (e.g. “I will play only with you.“).
  2. Children should be told of the time limit, if there is one (“We’ll play until the timer goes off.”).
  3. Child is given the choice of toys or what to play (“You can pick any of these toys.”).
  4. If child says “no” to your suggestion of CDP, don’t argue or push. Offer again the next day. Do not agree to do it only when your child demands that you do it.

Written by Matthew L. Speltz, Ph.D., Department of Child Psychiatry, Children’s Hospital and Medical Center. Based on previous research and clinical work by Drs. Connie Hanf, Rex Forehand and Sheila Eyberg.

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Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

By John Gottman

A book summary by Lily Talley

After reading this book, I’ve been thinking that my life would have been much easier if I had more empathetic parents.  It would have been great if someone taught me how to label my emotions and how to deal with them.  Now that I am in the field of childcare, I read a good amount of parenting and child development books to be a better provider of care to children.  I picked up this book by John Gottman titled:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child and I learned a lot from it.  I was able to identify the mistakes my parents made in raising me.  I also got a lot of ideas on how to teach and discipline the children at my center and how to parent my future kids.  I will now share with you my notes from the book and I hope you will find Gottman’s philosophy helpful.  This is not a one solution fits all, but I believe that he has some good points that we can all include with our parenting and teaching style.

Gottman states that children will comply, obey, and be responsible if they experience a sense of love and connectedness within their families.  He believes that good parenting involves a lot of emotions.  We learn about our emotions through our families.  He conducted a research on 119 families and concluded that there are two types of parents:  those who give their children guidance about the world and those who do not.  He created the new concept of an Emotion Coach Parent.  These parents teach their children strategies to deal with life’s up and downs.  They don’t object to negative emotion nor do they ignore them.  They use negative emotion as a fact of life and use emotional moments as opportunities for teaching their kids important life lessons.

He advises parents to empathize and provide children guidance on how to deal with uncomfortable feelings.  For example:  if a child is feeling sad because mom will leave him to daycare to go to a meeting, the mom should acknowledge the child’s sadness and not scold him for being sad.  She should let the child know she respects his feelings and that his wishes are valid.  She should also let her child know that she can’t be late for work and break her promise to her co-workers just because he is sad.  Through this, the mom taught her son to identify, experience, and accept his emotions, and that it is possible to move beyond sad feelings.

Gottman believes that emotion coaching can help a child get through painful life events like divorce.  He also has a strong belief that when Dads adopt an emotion coach style of parenting, it has an extremely positive impact on their children’s emotional development.  Their research showed that a father’s influence to a child is much more extreme than the mother.

I definitely agree with Gottman when he said that sadly, we inherited a tradition of discounting children’s feelings simply because children are smaller, less rational, less experienced and less powerful than adults around them.  I experienced this myself with my parents.  I could not count the times when they told me to ‘suck it up’ when I’m feeling sad.  Unfortunately, many children experienced the same thing.

Gottman listed Diana Baumrind’s styles of parenting and how an emotion coach parent is different:

  1. Authoritarian-these are parents who impose limits and strict obedience without any explanation
  2. Permissive-parents that are warm and communicative but set no limits
  3. Authoritative-parents that set limits but are more flexible

Gottman suggest that to become an emotion coach parent, we could follow Haim Ginott’s advice that parents should honestly express their anger provided that it is directed at a specific problem and does not attack the child’s personality or anger.  Emotion coach parents serves as their children’s guide through the world of emotion.

  • They go beyond acceptance to set limits on inappropriate behavior.
  • They teach their kids how to regulate their feelings and to find appropriate outlets and solve problems.
  • They encourage emotional honesty in their children.
  • They teach them to express their anger in ways that are not destructive.
  • They are not afraid to show their emotions around their children.
  • They give their children clear and consistent messages about what behavior is appropriate and what behavior is not.
  • They believe that when children know the rules and understand the consequences for breaking them, they are less likely to misbehave.

Gottman believes that this type of parenting approach makes the bond between the parent and child strong and children are more responsive to their parent’s requests.  An emotion coach parent recognize when they are feeling an emotion.  They can identify their feelings and sensitive to the presence of emotion in other people.  They let their feelings show in a non-abusive way.

Gottman outlined the 5 key steps to emotion coaching:

Empathy:  the foundation of emotion coaching,

it allows children to see their parents as allies.

  1. Being aware of child’s emotions
  2. Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
  3. Listening empathetically and validating the child’s feelings
  4. Helping the child verbally label emotions
  5. Setting limits while helping the child problem solve

Gottman also listed some additional strategies:

  1. Avoid excessive criticism, humiliating comments, or mocking your child
  2. Create a mental map of your child’s daily life
  3. Think about your child’s experiences in terms of similar adult situations
  4. Don’t try to impose your solutions on your child’s problems
  5. Empower your child by giving choices, respecting wishes
  6. Share in your child’s dreams and fantasies
  7. Be honest with your child
  8. Read children’s literature together
  9. Be patient with the process

10.  Understand your base of power as a parent

11.  believe in the positive nature of human development

The book also has helpful chapters on divorce, emotion coaching for dads, and emotion coaching as your child grows.  I enjoyed reading this book and I suggest that if you like Gottman’s ideas from this summary, you should get a copy.

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TODDLER DEVELOPMENT

Cathy Malley
Cooperative Extension Educator, Child Development
University of Connecticut Cooperative Extension

YOU WILL LEARN:

 

what to expect from toddlers.
that toddlers grow and develop at their own rate.
some activities that toddlers enjoy and that help them grow and develop.

TODDLERS

When children learn to walk, they are called toddlers. Usually this term is applied to one and two-year-old children. This is a stage in the growth of a child and not a specific age.

The toddler stage is very important in a child’s life. It is the time between infancy and childhood when a child learns and grows in many ways. Everything that happens to the toddler is meaningful. With each stage or skill the child masters, a new stage begins. This growth is unique to each child.

Children have their own time-table. During the toddler stage, most children learn to walk, talk, solve problems, relate to others, and more. One major task for the toddler is to learn to be independent. That is why toddlers want to do things for themselves, have their own ideas about how things should happen, and use “no” many times each day.

The toddler stage is characterized by much growth and change, mood swings, and some negativity. Toddlers are long on will and short on skill. This is why they are often frustrated and “misbehave.” Some adults call the toddler stage “the terrible twos.”

Toddlers, bursting with energy and ideas, need to explore their environment and begin defining themselves as separate people.

They want to be independent and yet they are still very dependent. One of the family day care provider’s greatest challenges is to balance toddlers’ need for in-dependence with their need for discipline. Toddlers are very concerned with their own needs and ideas. This is why we cannot expect them to share.

Toddlers sometimes get frustrated because they do not have the language skills to express themselves. Often they have difficulty separating themselves from their parents and other people who are important to them. Adults who work with toddlers often find it helpful to appreciate toddlers’ need to do things their way.

Usually between two and one half and three years of age, children begin to take an interest in being toilet trained, and by age three they are ready to be known as preschoolers. By this age, most children are toilet trained, have developed verbal skills, are continuing to be more independent, and
are taking an active interest in the world around them.

The toddler stage can be a difficult for adults and toddlers. An understanding of this stage of development can make it more fun for everyone. This fact sheet lists some of the characteristics of toddlers. These characteristics are listed for three main areas: physical (body), social (getting along with others) and emotional (feelings), and intellectual (thinking and language) development. Remember that all toddlers are different and reach the various stages at different times.

 

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

ONE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– They may grow less quickly than during infancy.

– They may eat less, but they tend to eat frequently throughout the day.

– Most walk without support by 14 months.

– Most walk backward and up steps by 22 months.

– They get better at feeding themselves, although spills should still be expected.

– They drink from a cup with help.

– They can stack blocks.

– They can scribble.

TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– Children are generally more active than at any other point in their lives.

– They walk, run, climb, walk up and down stairs alone, and dig.

– They throw balls and kick them forward.

– They jump with two feet together.

– They stand on tip toes.

– They take things apart and put them back together. They like to screw and unscrew lids.

– They feel discomfort with wet or soiled diapers.

– They start to show an interest in toilet training.

 

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

ONE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– They want to do things independently.

– Temper tantrums are common.

– They enjoy playing by themselves or beside (not with) other children.

– They have difficulty sharing toys. They may be possessive.

– They cannot remember rules.

– They view themselves as the center of the world.

– They become increasingly more self-aware. They begin to express new emotions such as jealousy, affection, pride, and shame.

– They show increasing fears.

– They may continuously ask for their parents.

– They have rapid mood shifts. Their emotions are usually very intense but short-lived.

– Routines are very important.

TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– They begin to play simple pretend games. Their fantasy play is very short and simple. It does not involve others.

– They are generally very self-centered and sharing is still difficult. They enjoy playing near other children.

– They try to assert themselves by saying “no.”

– They sometimes do the opposite of what is asked.

– They like to imitate the behavior of adults and others. They want to help with household tasks.

– They become frustrated easily.

– They refuse help.

– They still need security.

– They are more sure of themselves than one-year-old children.

 

INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT

ONE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– They are curious.

– They point to objects that they want.

– They imitate animal sounds.

– They name familiar people and objects.

– They combine two words to form a basic sentence.

– They use the pronouns me and mine.

– They use “no” frequently.

– They name body parts and familiar pictures.

– They use objects for their intended purpose.

– They begin to include a second person in pretend play.

– Their attention span is short.

– They can hold a pencil and scribble.

– They are very active.

– Because of their developing imagination, they have trouble knowing what is real and what is pretend.

TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– They follow simple directions.

– They use three or more words in combination.

– They express their feelings and wishes.

– They use objects to represent other objects.

– They still have a very limited attention span.

– They can memorize short rhymes.

– They join in simple songs.

– They begin to think about doing something before doing it.

– They have trouble making choices, but they want to make choices.

ACTIVITIES TO TRY

1. Take some time to watch your toddlers playing. Notice the differences in their physical development: height, weight, how they relate to you and to other children, and their energy levels. Some children seem to never sit still, while others seem happy to sit down with a book.

2. Toddlers learn by exploring and experimenting. They love to do things over and over. Some activities that toddlers enjoy are listed below.

ONE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– Roll a ball to them to catch.

– Provide blocks for them to build with.

– Provide safe mirrors for them to look at themselves in. Talk with them about their reflections in the mirror.

– Let them fill containers over and over again.

– Have them listen and move to music.

– Play hide and seek.

– Let them push or pull a favorite toy.

– Provide wheeled toys without pedals.

– Look at picture books with them and talk about the pictures.

– Talk about the size, shape, and texture of everyday objects.

– Make comparisons such as “this ball is bigger than that ball.”

– Talk about cause-and-effect relationships such as “if you push this block, the whole pile of blocks will fall over.”

TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN

– Encourage toddlers to run, jump, and climb outside.

– Sing simple songs with them.

– Sing and act out songs with simple movements.

– Play pat-a-cake.

– Teach them simple finger plays.

– Tell them simple, short stories (especially those about themselves or other two-year-old children).

– Let them pound a toy workbench.

– Let them play in a sandbox. Give them water to measure and pour.

– Let them stack blocks and other objects.

– Provide things that can be taken apart and put back together (such as pop beads).

– Ask children to name things in the pictures of picture books. Give them the correct word if they cannot think of it.

– Give them simple directions to follow.

– Play matching games and use simple puzzles with them.

– Encourage pretending by providing dolls, housekeeping toys, dress-up clothes, and toy telephones.

– Introduce art activities such as scribbling and/or painting with crayons, chalk, and paint.

– Provide play dough and finger paint.

– Begin toilet training when the toddler is ready. Also, begin teaching hand washing and tooth brushing.

– Encourage the development of routines.

 

RESOURCES TO EXPLORE

*1 2 3 Grow!*, a newsletter for parents of toddlers, Cooperative Extension
Service, Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa 50011.

*Discipline For Young Children Series* by Elaine Wilson, Cooperative
Extension Service, Oklahoma State University, Stillwater, Oklahoma 74078.

 

 

DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT
National Network for Child Care – NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the National Extension Service Children Youth and Family Educational Research Network. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in whole or in part for educational purposes only(not for profit beyond the cost of reproduction) provided that the author and Network receive acknowledgment and this notice is included:

Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care – NNCC.
Malley, C. (1991). *Toddler development*. (Family Day Care Facts series).
Amherst, MA: University of Massachusetts.

Any additions or changes to these materials must be preapproved by the author (see ACCESS Information below).

COPYRIGHT PERMISSION ACCESS
Gretchen May
Tillson House
University of Massachusetts
Box 37605
Amherst, MA 01003-7605
PHONE:: (413) 549-8800
FAX:: (413) 549-6337
E-MAIL:: gmay@coopext.umass.edu

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Child development chart: Preschool milestones

By Mayo Clinic staff

Every child grows and develops at his or her own pace. Still, child development tends to follow a fairly predictable path. Check out these general child development milestones for ages 2 to 5. If your child’s development seems to be lagging behind in certain areas, share your concerns with your child’s doctor.

Age 2 Age 3 Age 4 Age 5
Language skills
Links two words together Identifies most common objects Describes the uses of common objects Uses compound and complex sentences
Speaks clearly enough for parents to understand about half the words Says first name and age Speaks clearly enough for strangers to understand Says full name and address
Knows some adjectives (big, happy) Uses pronouns (I, you, we, they) and some plurals Uses verbs that end in “ing” and some irregular past tense verbs, such as ran and fell Uses future tense
Speaks about 50 words Answers simple questions Tells simple stories Understands rhyming
Social skills
Becomes aware of his or her identity as a separate individual Imitates parents and playmates Cooperates with playmates Wants to be like friends
May become defiant Takes turns Tries to solve problems Follows rules
Becomes interested in playing with other children Expresses affection openly Becomes interested in new experiences Understands gender
Separation anxiety begins to fade Easily separates from parents Becomes more independent Wants to do things alone
Cognitive skills
Begins to play make-believe Plays make-believe Becomes involved in more complex imaginary play Uses imagination to create stories
Begins to sort objects by shape and color More confidently sorts objects by shape and color Prints some capital letters and names some colors Correctly names at least four colors and counts at least 10 objects
Understands some spatial concepts (in, on) Understands more spatial concepts (over, under) Understands more complex spatial concepts (behind, next to) Distinguishes between fantasy and reality
Scribbles Copies a circle Draws a person with two to four body parts Copies a triangle and other geometric patterns
Finds hidden objects Understands the concept of two Understands the concepts of same and different Understands the concepts of time and sequential order
Physical skills
Walks alone and stands on tiptoe Walks up and down stairs, alternating feet Stands on one foot for at least five seconds Stands on one foot for at least 10 seconds
Climbs on furniture and begins to run Kicks, climbs, runs and pedals tricycle Throws ball overhand, kicks ball forward and catches bounced ball most of the time Hops, swings and somersaults
Builds a tower of four blocks or more Builds a tower of more than six blocks Dresses and undresses May learn to skip, ride a bike and swim
Empties objects from a container Manipulates small objects and turns book pages one at a time Uses scissors Brushes own teeth and cares for other personal needs

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