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Tips for Managing Separation Anxiety in Young Children

Separation anxiety is a stage of development in which children become anxious, nervous, or scared upon separation from a parent. Separation Anxiety with kids can begin as early as 8 months and can occur into early school years. It is most common in children around the age of 2 as they more firmly develop a sense of self.

It can be expressed in as simple a behavior as crying when a parent leaves and can be as severe as a child becoming physically sick. Sometimes it last for as short as a few minutes and then transition into participatory behaviors or it can last for hours  or as long as the parent is away.  On the other side of the coin, some children instead become withdrawn or avoidant and then are angry with or distant from their parents after they return, as if to punish them for leaving them.

There are many factors that contribute to separation anxiety. Children may be concerned about the unknown and may not understand the concept of time the way adults do. A parent’s anxiety may also exacerbate separation anxiety by their reactions to leaving the child. Children easily pick up on their parent’s anxiety. Parents should remain positive and cheerful about the experience.

Some common factors that also contribute to separation anxiety changes in the caregiver’s routine, changes in the home routine, changes in family life such as divorce, birth of a sibling, death, or illness, as well as  tiredness or major or minor illness.

There are many things parents can do to help manage separation anxiety. Use babysitters from time to time beginning at the age of six months. This helps children get used to handling short periods of time away from the parent and allows them to build trust with other adults. By twelve months, begin to arrange play dates or use play groups to initiate contact with peers. Establish a short goodbye ritual such as a hug and kiss, a secret handshake, or a silly exchange of words. Most importantly, do not give in and remain cheerful.

There are a variety of strategies that allow childcare providers to help children cope with separation anxiety.

Suggest that parents bring their kids to visit a few times before the first day of care. Take them on a tour and set them up with a buddy. While they are visiting, attempt to engage them in an activity.

  • Do not give excessive attention to the distress. Continue to affirm that the parent is coming back and be enthusiastic about the plans you have for the day.
  • Follow a daily routine and schedule. Teachers may want to post a schedule in pictures and words so that kids know what is coming next. In addition, teachers can create small daily schedule books for especially anxious children that they can carry with them. This allows them to look at the activities they have accomplished and how many activities are left before they go home.
  • Allow the child to bring in a “lovie” item to school which represents the parents.

Anxious children and parents must be treated with care and respect.  Good communication is the key. Foster an open and honest relationship with both the parent and child to create a sense of trust and reduce anxiety.  In time, you can kiss those long, tearful goodbyes goodbye!

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Tips on How to Help Your Child Have a Smooth Transition to Preschool

Tips on How to Help Your Child Have a Smooth Transition to Preschool

By Lily Talley

Preschools are schools that provide care and education typically for children ages 2-5.  These schools provide care, socialization, enrichment, play and education.  Children who attend preschools are exposed to opportunities for learning.  They have the advantage of interacting with children of the same age and taking part in teacher planned activities and experiences.

Children are not required to go to preschool but if they do, there are a number of benefits such as:

  • Exposing them to a variety of experiences and imaginative play
  • Helping them develop independence and self-esteem
  • Helping them learn cooperation, sharing, taking turns and function as part of a group
  • Stimulating their curiosity
  • Facilitating speech and language
  • Exposing them to a variety of arts and crafts, books and music
  • Exposing them to mathematical concepts and the environment
  • Promoting their physical strength, coordination and stamina
  • Developing their desire for learning

You should find a preschool that offers a good quality program, is affordable and geographically convenient.  There are different types of preschools such as the play-based, Montessori, and Waldorf schools.  If you are going to choose a preschool with an academic program, make sure that it is developmentally appropriate to each age group, is fun and stresses the importance of play.  You need to find your educational philosophy and find a school that meets most of it.

There are a number of books that you can borrow from your local library that will help you learn more about preschools and what to expect from them.  I included a book list at the bottom of this article if you want to do some further reading and research.

The main question that parents ask before they send their kids to preschool is “How can I best prepare my child?”  Whether you are a working or a stay-at-home mom, you want the best care and experience for your child while they are away from home.  Your child can also have a hard time separating from you for the first few days or weeks of going to preschool.

To best prepare you child to going to preschool and avoid ‘separation anxiety’, here are some few tips:

  • Begin using the words school in everyday conversation (for example:  Cousin Jacks goes to school and he likes the toys, or mommy went to school when she was young and she met new friends).
  • Read books to your child about preschool
  • When you are walking with your child point out a school, ideally the school that they will be attending.
  • Allow them to be accustomed to being taken care of by other adults such as a extended family members or babysitters.
  • Allow them to play with other children of the same age.
  • Play peek-a-boo, when you leave your child for a moment tell them, ‘mommy will be right back’ and then say, ‘see mommy came back’ when you return.  If you return from work or a long shopping trip, you can say, ‘see mommy always comes back’.  This will set the stage for successful separation.
  • If you know the child’s future teacher, talk to them by name.
  • If you are anxious yourself about sending your child to preschool, hide it with an excited smile. J

Doing all the above tips does not guarantee a smooth transition for some kids.  Especially if you are a stay-at-home mom, your child is used to seeing just you for most of the time.  It is natural for them to look for mommy when surrounded with unfamiliar faces.  If it’s the first day of school and your child experiences some anxiety, try to do the following:

  • Tell your child that you love him and that you will be back to take him home right after lunch (or whatever the last activity is).  This assures them that you will return and at a specific time.
  • Always smile and give them lots of hugs
  • Ask your child how they would like to say goodbye, this will give them a measure of control (e.g. want to say goodbye to mommy at the door?).
  • Act silly before you leave so the child is left giggling.
  • Let the teacher know when  you are leaving so she can distract your child with fun activities.
  • Leave a comfort toy or anything meaningful to your child that will remind them of home and mommy or daddy.

If your child cries the first day or if they cry every time you take them to school, try the following:

  • Gradual separation:  simply stay as long as your child needs you in school, if you can’t stay, ask a family member, your nanny, or your child’s favorite neighbor.  You should stay at the back of the room and don’t interact unless they approach you.  You are there for support not as a playmate.  Usually after a few days, you child will get used to the routine and won’t need you to stay.
  • Shorter mornings:  bring your child to school for an hour.  Try to leave them for that time and stay outside and see how they do.  Always assure them ‘see mommy came back’. 
  • Later entry:  if all else fails, it’s probably best to keep your child at home for a while and then send them to preschool the next year or just wait a few months until they are a bit older to come back.  While doing this, make sure you expose them to people other than you to take care of them and schedule playdates. 

I hope the above tips are helpful.  Going to preschool is just the first fun experience your child will have growing up.  You have done some research and followed some tips, now it’s time to send your kids to school and have fun!

References:

Preschool Primer for Parents by Doris Herman

Preschool Success by Amy James

The Preschool Handbook by Barbara Brenner

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