Parents often ask, “why is my toddler doing XYZ?” The important thing to remember is that toddler behaviors of ‘acting out’ come in waves. The phases come and go as they learn! It is important to remember that they are still learning how the world works. When they act out and hit, they aren’t trying to hurt but rather see, if I do this…what does it cause? Toddlers are like little scientists- testing and retesting to learn what the result of an action will be.

Bringing extra attention to the behaviors and showing that is causes you stress could cause the behavior to occur more, since it gets such a reaction. Parents need to remain calm and consistent. Children thrive off consistency and routine. By showing you can handle the situation and handling it the same way each time, they will learn the result that comes after that behavior faster.

An example of an appropriate response would be to say, “Stop. I will not let you hit me” in a stern voice then simply walking away. Using your face to express you are hurt/upset by the situation and removing yourself will show them that it does not make you happy, and they don’t get to play with you when that happens. Remember, children WANT to please us and they WANT to play with you! They are not trying to hurt their parents and definitely don’t want to lose their playmate. Toddlers are simply testing their boundaries.

Please read this article by Janet Lansbury to hear more about toddler aggression.